What it means to witness
And why it's so powerful
Earlier this week, I was sharing a situation that made me feel uncomfortable with a dear friend. A mom of two living in a foreign country, she is understandably juggling a lot. Still, she made time to validate my feelings, and even invited me to share more.
I reflected on this moment with my coach this week, and it reminded me:
We don’t often allow ourselves to be witnessed, or to witness others.
When you hear the word “witness” you might be thinking of a legal trial, or a wedding.
The witnessing I’m talking about is different. It’s a witnessing of our humanity, and it can feel uncomfortable.
This type of witnessing requires presence. It requires slowing down to be with another person in the fullness of their being, emotions, and body language. It requires putting down devices, removing distractions, and listening with not only our ears, but our hearts, too.
When we are witnessed without judgment, we are invited to step fully into our humanity.
We allow ourselves to soften and be seen. In its ideal form, witnessing feels safe and comforting.
To be witnessed is to feel at home in who and what we are in a moment.
One of the many reasons I am so passionate about coaching is witnessing. As a coach, I get the privilege to hold space for and with my clients.
I get to see them unfold. I get to see them come alive. I get to see them:
Go deeper into what is happening now
Dream about what is possible
Become aware of their truth
I truly feel honored to witness my clients and loved ones so often, and grateful to be witnessed by my loved ones and coaches.
Witnessing is accessible to all of us. And, it is a unique privilege in a world that asks us to give more, be more, do more.
Witnessing gently shakes us awake from our slumber, greeting us with a fresh cup of our intuition. We take a sip, and let it seep into what we know to be true in the depths of our souls.
The more we are witnessed and witness others, the more we connect. Witnessing helps us tend to and cultivate beauty.
On a retreat I attended years ago, one of the exercises they had us participate in was staring into another human’s eyes for a period of time. People we didn’t know. And at first, it was awkward. I wasn’t as equipped as I am now, back then.
Sitting through that discomfort, though, turned into something beautiful. Emotion and feeling began to appear. Many people cried.
It’s emotional, to allow ourselves to be seen, and to truly see another.
I now realize we were witnessing one another.
Let’s practice
Consider this your invitation to witness and allow yourself to be witnessed. Here are a few ways you can experiment with witnessing this week.
The next time you are with your spouse, your child, a friend, a family member, or a coworker, really look into their eyes. You could even try this with a pet. Notice, what color are their eyes? How do their eyes change when they are talking about something that excites them? How do their eyes shift with their emotions? Really pay attention.
Ask a loved one to share a peak experience, meaning an experience that has been a highlight of their life. Or, ask them to share something that is hard right now. Then, really listen and pay attention. What are you able to notice through witnessing, that perhaps is not being said out loud?
Ask a loved one to witness you. Notice how it feels to be witnessed.
Regardless of what you choose, acknowledge and appreciate the opportunity to witness.
To witness is a gift, and to be witnessed requires courage.
As always, I’d love to hear what this brings up for you. Feel free to leave a comment or send me a message.
In loving support,
Grace
Thank you for this. Being witnessed is so raw and meaningful. Even reading this we witness glimpses of you and it’s very fine