Acceptance is three friends wrapped in one, like three pigs in a blanket stuck together, that you pop in your mouth all at once.
Acceptance is an old friend who sends a letter at exactly the right moment, seeing all the versions of you at once, like looking through a kaleidoscope at all its colors, and admiring its beauty when the light hits.
Acceptance is a new friend who brings excitement, energy, and plans, who helps remind you that, if you choose, you can ditch past versions of yourself today, like an incognito spy shedding layers of clothing and swapping dark hair for a blonde wig. Shapeshifting can be that simple.
Acceptance is a clingy friend who shows up over and over again, reminding you, when you least want the reminder, that they are available to hang out. The one who texts you again and again, when part of you wishes they would forget.
Acceptance is a friend. And, acceptance is hard.
We avoid acceptance in two ways: holding tightly to the past, and worrying about the future to the point of suffocation.
The past
Like an artist revisiting a painting years after its been finished, hung in a gallery, and sold, we re-color the past. Imagine the artist, showing up to the home of its painting, and asking to refinish it or make some adjustments.
The owner might be appalled, or perhaps prepared, to witness their genius in action.
But what does that signal to the past? That it’s not enough, that it needs to be revisited, that it needs to be rewritten, or worse “fixed.”
The future
On the other hand, we project the future, rigging the cards during a game of poker. We try to control and align the experience, to reach our desired outcome, even if it requires manipulating the variables.
We spend so much time planning to avoid the worst case scenario, in which case we cannot enjoy the future at all. Or we grasp so tightly to our desired future, that we do not allow the mystery of what will be to unfold, or worse… we’re unable to enjoy it when it does.
Oof. Don’t worry, there is another way.
This theme has popped up over and over again this year for me (and it’s only April!). I’ve noticed in my coaching conversations with clients, too — that there is a focus on worrying about what others think, what others say, what others do.
We get to choose between the below three options:
Fixate on the past, where we dwell on what once was (or what could’ve been).
Project into the future, where we worry about what will be.
Be in the present, where we accept what is.
Accepting what is begins with recognizing that we have the power to choose our thoughts. The power to choose our thoughts begins with noticing them.
What if, instead of running away from our thoughts, at the pace of an Olympic runner, we pulled up a chair and leaned in?
Imagine sitting by a cozy fire on a chilly evening, grabbing a spare log to throw in the fire, and getting curious. Imagine if we even had the basket of s’mores supplies — marshmallows, Hershey chocolate, graham crackers, and sticks for roasting ready to go. Even a Reese’s cup would do.
This preparation is a way of saying “Tell me what’s here now,” to your thoughts, and allowing what is to unfold fully.
Here is what I know
The more I practice acceptance, the more I feel freedom.
The more I practice acceptance, the more I trust in my life.
The more I practice acceptance, the more I can surrender to my life happening for me, not to me.
Acceptance takes the edge off, like an evening run, or an IPA after a difficult week.
Acceptance is not passive, but active. Acceptance empowers.
When we accept what is, we ditch the victim and pleasing mindset of things happening to us — and begin to witness a bigger experience.
I’m not saying it’s not hard… it is. And, there’s an opportunity to choose our thoughts and mindset. To let go of perpetuating suffering.
To simply be, as is — again and again and again. No matter what it takes. It’s like coming back to the breath in meditation, or wave crashing reliably against the shore.
When we accept what is, we invite fullness of being. We are free of judgment, and who knows… joy might even pull up a seat by the fire.
Let’s reflect
Where could accepting what is be helpful for you?
What challenges do you encounter with accepting what is?
What is resonating with you from this reflection?
I would love to hear from you. As always, you can connect with me below if you’d like to deepen your acceptance for self, others, circumstance, and what is.
In loving support,
Grace